Even though I was 10 years divorced. My 2 girls were grown and moved away with families of their own. I had 3 grandchildren who I adored but didn't get to see enough of. My job with the MDA was solid and satisfying. Though I didn't have a woman in my life at the moment, I answered her. "Yea, I'd say I was content." I could tell she was going somewhere with this and her question was really bait. So, I asked her. "Are you?"I wasn't sure how she was going to answer. One would expect a widow with no other man in her life to respond simply "No" and that would be the end of it. Dad had been gone about 5 years and she hadn't pursued another relationship. But her answer made me almost choke on my tea."No. I'm 64 years old and I've never had an orgasm." She didn't flinch, she didn't twist or turn. She just said it matter-of-factly. As though we were talking about the price of wheat in Kansas."What do you mean?", I managed to stammer without sounding like I was stammering. "Just that. I've. Close friends I’ve known for a decade or more, but who have no idea that I’m a member in good standing of the National Association of Perverts and Pornographers. How do I talk to these people? I’m proud of what I do, and I like to think I’m halfway good at it. I like to share it, too, otherwise I’d just write it down and tear it up, the way I used to. It’s been a long time since I resigned myself to the fact that I can’t write to please Grandma, but I’m still not too crazy about this whole ‘double life’ thing. It’s like being Gay or something. I want to talk about it, but that’s hard to do in prim-and-proper-polite society. I can’t help feeling the need to keep it ‘in the family,’ around people who can understand and enjoy what I’m talking about. Any discussion of what I do requires a lot of careful probing to see if these people are cool. Will they be in on it with me? Or, will I scare them into yanking their children off the street as I walk past? It would be easier if I wrote.
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